my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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