Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
