Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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