I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
