Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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