Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize