Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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