so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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