Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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