i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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