I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
