i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't put those talents on a resume
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
