It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize