I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
