I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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