It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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