dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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