thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
