Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
