Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
