woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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