bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
