the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he shaved USA in his pubs
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
