We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
