Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
