I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
