I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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