My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
