i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
