I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
