How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
it glows. i had to have it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How does one acquire holy water?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
