i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
