What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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