we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
