i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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