Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
