true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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