question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
