I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
