i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I party with great urgency now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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