i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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