Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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