I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
