He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
