Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize