Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
