i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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