The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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