i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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