Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
