So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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