he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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