I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
