Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
