Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
