New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
