whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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