New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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