I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
