Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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