I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
