Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
