i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
