I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
being pregnant is like rehab
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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