I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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