oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
