they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
