ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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