just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
