I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
