apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
