Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize