I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
