Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
