Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
