i don't plan on having that self control this summer
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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