On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
