are you still at the devil's house?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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