People in love make me want to vomit
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
