Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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