woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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