I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
