Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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