oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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