I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
