11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
