Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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