i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
