just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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