I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
