So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
