if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
