I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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