Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
