I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also, beer. Big fan.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
