Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
