Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just found a bag of teeth...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
