I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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