she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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