I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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