Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
