That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
