Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we're making bets on your personal life
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
