So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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