i barfeds in our rink
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
