3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
