this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
