What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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