apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
