i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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