Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
