You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
